I’m leaving London tomorrow
and I don’t like it.
http://thisisjelli.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/leaving/
I wrote a post about leaving on my other blog that sums everything up. This place feels more like a home to me than any other place in the world. It’s hard to explain the attachment I have for this city but let me try. I fell in love and am leaving my heart here. That’s it.
People try to define home in various ways, and if it’s where my heart is, then London is home.
If it’s with my family, then it’s all over the world.
If it’s where I reside most of the year, then it’s Athens.
But I think it’s where my heart is, and that just means I’m going to have to come back for it one day.
Also, I accomplished every single one of my goals.
The only thing I failed was meeting any of my favourite YouTubers found here (http://www.clichemag.com/2013/05/22/five-favorite-uk-youtubers-anjelica-oswald-blog-post/)
Oh well. Can’t win em all.
Until next time my love.
Guys, I’m happy.
Looking back on 2012, there were some good moments. I got closer with a lot of friends, and I made some pretty great memories; however, it also held some of the worst memories for me. I was hurt. I was struggling. 2013 is only 4 months in (HOLY CRAP), and it’s already better than 2012. I’ve learned that I like where I’m going in life, I like my friends, I like my career path, I like my priorities, I like myself— I like my life. My mantra is do what I love, cut the crap from my life and not be afraid to dream. No matter what happens, I’m not a disappointment. I just have to remember that. Every no brings a yes. Every tear brings a smile. I’m sorry for the cliches, but life is just too great for me not to remember this moment. I want to look back at my tumblr in a few years and remember.
Happy Easter folks!
After spending today with some of the best people I’ve met in London, I can’t have wished for a better Easter. We ate good food, we watched good movies, we had lots of laughs and we experienced Easter in London. I’ve been so blessed in my life and today was the day my Lord rose from the dead. I haven’t written about my faith for a while, because I lost it. I haven’t fully regained it yet either, but without it, I feel miserable and lost. Whatever happens to me in life is only handled by my faith and hope. Bane says something in The Dark Knight Rises. He says ‘there can be no true despair without hope.’ But you see, without hope, you have nothing to live for. I hope in a lot of things. I have faith in a lot of things. But the faith I have in something more than this life is what gets me through the despair. Everything might not go according to my plan, but I sure am lucky to be where I am. Now my to-do list for the next week is kind of long, so I should go to sleep so I can get to work tomorrow. Goodnight folks.
The amount I love my friends is astonishing
We can Skype for hours and just chat because we just have so much to talk about.
We have Facebook conversations about things that don’t make sense because we are perfect that way.
I can g-chat with an old editor for hours because he’s my mentor and big brother.
I can cry with them and for them because I know they’ll cry with me.
We can watch stupid movies and videos and post a ton of pictures because we all understand.
They make me feel loved even if I’m being dumb.
They are always there to listen even when I’m a country away.
I love each and every single one of my darling friends from the stretches of Indiana to Ohio to New York to Boston to the ones I’ve made here in London.
I’m blessed to have people to count on. I’m lucky to feel loved. It’s a good night.
You have to
take the yeses with the nos.
The good with the bad.
The new with the old.
The warm with the cold.
The falling and the standing.
The dreaming and the reality.
How to handle fear?
I don’t know.
It really is true.
If you don’t set your expectations or dreams too high, you can’t get disappointed.
But then you’ll never know.
And what’s the point of living then?
I used to write a lot
because I felt inspired. I had things I wanted to say. I had thoughts fighting to get out. But it’s been a really long time since I’ve had the time to sit and sort through my thoughts. It’s been a long time since I released everything from my system. The thing is, I was hurting a lot more back then. I was letting my heart go and what I wrote were my remains. But I took my heart back, and it’s safe. I’m still hurting but in different ways. It’s a struggle through life. It’s a struggle sorting out my future. My priorities are different. Maybe it’s the city. I’m not sure. I’m me. I still believe in the same things. I’m just at a loss. I’m lost. And I guess I only have myself to blame.
It’s a painful
thing, waiting.
Just waiting for something to happen. Anything really. Nothing changes. Nothing happens.
Waiting leads to thinking, and thinking leads to an emotional roller coaster — but not the fun kind.
Sometimes I wish I knew what was going to happen in my life.
I can’t take the waiting much longer.
So I saw people doing this twitter love thing and posting their pictures of it, so naturally I was curious to see what mine would say. I can’t say I’m surprised. It has been my goal to try and meet Jack while I’m living in London for five months. I also want to interview him for Cliche, but since none of that has happened yet, it’s good to see Twitter acknowledging me. One day. One day. I have all of March and May. That’s got to account for something, right?
Some thoughts in my head.
After venturing to the Museum of London today, my mind was on a history kick. Every single item we saw behind a glass case belonged to someone and was used at some point in time. Old, carefully constructed items that have lasted for years. Each tell a story of what life was like. Women’s suffrage items, WWII stories, old playthings- everything was fascinating. And then stepping out into the London streets, you see buildings that have been around since the 1400s. I’m walking down the same (not exact, but you know what I mean) streets people walked down thousands of years ago. And then coming back into the present, I wonder what we are doing now to leave an impact on the future. We build things quickly and without care. We want new and fast, instead of things that last. In a few cases, they compared new items to the old items, and I knew very easily which items I liked best….the old. There are just some things I think people should consider and remember. History is a beautifully terrifying place, and it can teach us so much. Pay attention.
Also, being at the museum made me want to watch Pride and Prejudice which we proceeded to do this evening. All I really want is someone to tell me I’ve bewitched them body and soul…maybe even at that house they use for the movie. I want someone to ask my father for permission and to love me unconditionally. I have plenty of time, but this whole never having anyone thing is sometimes painful when it feels like it’s never going to happen. No sliver of hope. No nothing. But this is just my overactive imagination and emotions talking. Don’t mind me.
I’m also delving into the realm of my tumblr posts of old trying to find myself again. I see one major difference into the happy me of past and the terrified me of present, and it’s faith. I’m missing my faith. And I don’t like that.
Proper football game.
Went to see Chelsea (even though I’m not a hardcore fan) play football the way it should be played. A 4-0 win, the sun shining down- it was a beautiful day. And it further clarified that I would be okay dating a football player. As for everything else, I could have done without the creepy man saying hello gorgeous to me, but, oh well.
Struggling a bit
to wrap my head around the news I just got.
He just let himself go, and I wasn’t there.
The funniest man I know. The greatest not really an uncle but close enough that I know.
He’s not here, and I’m not home.
